Word problems for your 20s

Image via Culinary in the Desert.

1) When your wireless internet goes out in the middle of the night right before a job interview (and you have crucial information regarding this interview in your inbox), and your neighbors' wireless won't work for you, and their neighbors' won't work for you, and nowhere in your section of Brooklyn that is open has wireless internet available, where do you go and what do you have to pay for it? Please list all possible solutions. Extra credit if you don't have to leave your building.

2) If 35% of your income goes to taxes, is your income for your part-time hostessing job less than or equal to the amount you could get for unemployment in the state of New York?

3) If your significant other's car is broken into while you're visiting a city many miles away, and you had pretzels from Sheetz in the car at the time of said break-in, is it safe to eat these pretzels, or do you suppose they will coat your throat with shards of glass?

Oh, the weather outside is frightful.

Toothpaste For Dinner rocks my proverbial socks.

Discovery of the day: Snapple.com unveils which facts on its caps are true. (The false ones never make it to the website.) My favorites:

ZIP in zip code stands for Zone Improvement Plan (424). A housefly hums in the key of F (372). You can tell what day a loaf of bread is baked by the color of the twist tag (480).

Mount Everest rises a few millimeters every year (438). In Monopoly, the properties are named after streets in Atlantic City (669). The Statue of Liberty wears a size 879 sandal (444). You breathe in about 13 pints of air every minute (446).

Lobsters can live up to 50 years (455). Fresh cranberries can be bounced like a rubber ball (455). To remove crayon marks from the walls, use a hairdryer to heat the wax (492). It is against the law to put pretzels in bags in Philadelphia (664).

A chalkboard eraser is one of the best ways to erase a foggy windshield (477). Candles will burn longer and drip less if they are placed in the freezer before burning (478). The pupils in goats’ eyes are rectangular (440).

The motto on the original penny was "Mind Your Own Business" (163).